Ennui

+++Ennui+++
You could not blindfold me as completely
As I blindfold myself
Crashing to an end
Devoid of mental wealth
Soul a ringing bowl
Empty of any substance
Drifted down this river
Somewhere meant to something
Should have been unclaimed
Left on the side and ignored
Instead this life fulfilled
The components of a life
Wife and children and decent job
Holidays often enough
A house on which to pay a mortgage
A life lived in relative ease
Bailiffs are never at the door
And cars are ageing but serviceable
Like their owners if it be told
The days passing have become years
Each flickers past and discover
No closer to something I can't place
The reasons for searching seemingly dimming
Even the dreams grow weary
As unfulfilled they sit
And unfulfilled I ponder
If they ever could have been
Or were what I wanted for myself
Or were a template I affixed
When I saw what society desired
To comply and conform
I collected all the components
Build them together around me
But never formed from me
Never ran through me
Never a part of me
Instead I feel I stand apart
From this life which is mine
All components before me
None of which I feel I can call
None of which I think I can hold
None of which I seek to call mine.